I’ve recently noticed that I spend a lot of time thinking and writing about what doesn’t work, particularly in workplace relationships. This is probably because I spend so much time there, and work is important. As a Black woman, I’m especially tuned into workplace dynamics, the small patterns of behavior that can leave me satisfied or discontented. These behavior patterns either support my well-being or chip away at it.
Source: wework.com
I’ve taken some time to think about what feels good. I’ve searched my memory banks for conversations with other Black women who have shared with me what works for them. I’ve reviewed my digital files and flipped through the studies that have explored similar themes, what happens to Black women in the workplace, and how to make it better for them. I’ve developed a short list of do’s and don’ts.
Don’t
Don’t make assumptions about what words mean. One person’s ‘collaboration’ is another person’s ‘supervision’. A common pattern is that the word ‘collaboration’ is used to sugarcoat a supervisor/subordinate relationship because one or both of the parties involved are uncomfortable with its true nature.
As a result, the term has been degraded over time and rarely means ‘the act or process of working together or cooperating.’ In reality, it refers to a relationship in which one person provides guidance and assesses the quality of another person's work.
When White women reach out to Black women to collaborate, it’s often hidden supervision. Black women are expected to do the work, and White women review it and offer guidance for improvement. Supervisory relationships are fine, but not when they’re sold as something else. The roles get blurry, creating the conditions for misunderstanding and resentment.
Do
Call a thing a thing. With intention and straightforward conversation, create a shared definition of terms. Discuss terms such as collaboration, partnership, and support by tying them to clearly defined behaviors. For example, “During our collaboration, I will bring the data to the table, and you will analyze it.” Or, “In our relationship, I’ll supervise your work and support you by providing guidance and resources.”
Don’t
Don’t be disrespectful. Disrespect is a relationship killer. Seemingly small acts towards Black women destroy opportunities for healthy workplace relationships. A short list of small acts:
· Being unprepared for meetings led by Black women. Apologies, no matter how sincere, don’t address that her work has been derailed.
· Offering unspecific critiques on Black women’s work. “There’s something off about that paragraph. I just don’t know what it is.” Again, this derails the work with the added insult of implying it’s not up to standards without supplying a rationale or an alternative.
· Being late to Black women’s meetings (when you’re not late to meetings led by white people) shows a disregard for her time.
Do
Do show respect. I’m currently in a web of healthy work relationships with white women. (The one I wrote about in last week’s post is now a rare occurrence.) These are the things that make them work:
· Everyone honors their commitments. If we agree to complete specific tasks, they get done. If they don’t get done, folks get notified early, and adjustments are made.
· Because it’s work, work is the priority. The meetings aren’t loaded up with personal issues (that’s saved for friendship time if we are friends). The conversation is cordial and is focused on work-related tasks. This also has the added bonus of freeing Black women from doing a disproportionate amount of emotional work in relationships.
· Make your critiques fruitful. Show the logic behind your concerns (not just your preferences) and offer concrete suggestions. This is the basis of mutuality and reciprocity, engendering a respectful, productive, and enjoyable relationship.
Guiding Questions
1. Can you name a small act of disrespect you’ve noticed in the workplace?
2. Have you been a recipient of a small act of disrespect? What’s the current status of your relationship with that person?
3. Have you disrespected someone? What can you do to repair the relationship?
Notes
“We Specialize in the Wholly Impossible”: Navigating Three Black Women Tropes in Leadership”
Nonprofit Quarterly, May 2, 2024, by Kerrien Suarez and Whitney Parnell
What Does it Mean to Be Black-led?
Service Never Sleeps’ Research project engages over 115 Black leaders across the United States to understand their leadership experiences and what they need to thrive.